🔗 Share this article Navigating the Yearning for Casual Encounters Whilst Seeking a Committed Partnership As a homosexual male in my late 40s, I’ve spent many, mostly enjoyable years pursuing casual sex with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I was in a committed partnership that lasted a significant period, however I never felt completely content, in that I felt neither loved or intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Every time I start to date any man, once the newness fades, an impulse arises to be intimate with other men again. Reflecting on the Possibility of Exclusive Commitment I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to maintain a faithful partnership. I understand that numerous gay men have open relationships, but from my observations, they have seemed demanding, often causing lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. In many ways, I want another man to care for me while letting me pursue other intimacies, but I dread to imagine the psychological toll this would cause. Is it best to continue to have casual sex and accept that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I feel somewhat confused. Every person’s sexual journey fluctuates. Avoid considering of your relationship needs or your capacity to tolerate different types of sexual unions in a finite way. What you need in your current state could easily shift in the future; at a certain time you may find yourself more decisive and discover some clarity and a suitable route … or not. One day you could encounter a person offering a life-changing chance to you by reflecting your desires in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that casual connections suit you best. Fretting over the future and engaging in the “What if?” game is simply rooted in fear and a waste of your energy. Aim to stay in the moment in your relationships, and recognize the worth of every individual with whom you might have an intimate bond. If and when the time is right to deepen genuine closeness with a single person, you will know. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a American psychotherapist who specialises in treating intimacy issues.