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When reports emerged that Rob and Michele Singer Reiner had been murdered and their son, Nick Reiner, was a possible suspect, it thrust substance use disorder back into the national conversation. However, families affected by a loved one’s substance use fear the dialogue will center on an extremely uncommon act of homicide rather than the more widespread risks of the condition.

A Personal Connection

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been watching the developments. They only knew the Reiners professionally, yet they feel a connection: their own son also developed a dependency at 15 to painkillers and later heroin, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years in and out of rehabilitation and the legal system. After a long and painful struggle, their son got sober in July 2010.

“It’s just tragic,” states Grover. “It tears you up, because that’s a family destroyed, just like so many other families we know whose sons or daughters succumbed to the disease of addiction.”

Understanding the Epidemic

More than a significant majority of Americans report their lives have been impacted by addiction—whether through personal struggle, a family member’s dependency, housing instability from addiction, or an drug-related emergency leading to hospitalization or loss, according to 2023 data.

Approximately 16.8% of Americans, or 48.4 million people, had a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how rich you are, no matter how disadvantaged you are, no matter how influential you are,” emphasized Grover.

The Weight of Judgment

The Reiner story resonated deeply with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a family disease,” Greg said. “It has a tremendous impact on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the tragic events will make people “very wary of anybody who’s admitted to having an addiction, and think that they could become violent at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg added.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so widespread in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an academic researcher who studies addiction and the legal system. She pointed to the significant stigma surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really a threat and the potential for causing violence.”

She also cautioned against making assumptions about the alleged role of the son or his state at the time, noting it is unclear whether substance use or mental health issues were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their stigmatization of addiction and this condition, and create a narrative to try to make sense of what happened,” she said. “Because of his history, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his addiction.”

The Reality of Risk

While addiction can lead to unpredictable behavior, and some substances may lead to agitation, a brutal act like a murder of two people is highly unusual.

“The huge majority of people with addiction or substance use disorder do not ever show anything even approaching to aggression. It’s a true anomaly,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is significantly more likely to hurt themselves than anyone else.”

A Parent’s Fear

Both Greg and Grover have lived with fear—not directed at their sons, but about them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to be lost at some point,” Greg said. “If he returns to using, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being cut off from him.” He described the painful decisions parents face, such as setting limits and sometimes making the “horribly painful” choice that an adult child cannot reside in the family home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you went to sleep, that you could get that call or that knock on the door telling you that he was gone forever,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the harrowing calls: from the ER saying a son was not breathing; from jail, where a parent might justify behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he shoplifted to support his habit; at least he wasn’t breaking into the neighbors’ houses.’”

Isolation and Judgment

Parents often battle isolation—wondering if the addiction was caused by some mistake they made; bearing guilt for a child’s actions; and dreading judgment from others directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without having been through it, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can shift instantly. You could be perfectly happy one day and miserable the next... It’s not unusual for that to happen.”

The Path Forward

Data indicates about three in four people with addiction are able to become sober.

“Just as you can recover from any other type of illness, you can overcome this condition, too. You can heal and be productive,” said Grover. “If you work at it and you fail, you get up and work at it some more.”

Today, his son is a husband and a father, holds a university education, and works as a union electrician. Grover reflected on his struggle to “save” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can push him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t reach for my hand for help, it’s not going to succeed,” he said.

Yet, they always reiterated they cared for him and believed in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always extended, because you never know when they’ll reach out and take it.”